Facebook just reminded me of the beginning of February a year ago, as I was supposed to launch my then upcoming podcast.
I had everything planned out, launch schedule ready… and then life happened.
Our kids got a nasty stomach flu, and after a week, I was down with it, too. A week before the scheduled launch.
Not an ideal situation.
So I was facing a question whether to go through with the launch, even though I wasn’t well yet, or whether to postpone it.
The old me would for sure have pushed through and gone with the original launch plan, because, well, honestly, I still a year ago thought that it’s dangerous to disappoint people.
I wasn’t consciously aware of it, and certainly don’t like to admit it, but that thought had governed much of my decisions for most of my life.
But as I was trying to figure out what to do, a wise person asked me if I would I do it for love or from love?
Autsch.
It hurts, doesn’t it?
When someone’s seeing the truth clearer in the moment than you. And let you know it, too.
We all have these blind spots in our lives.
Anyway.
That question really got me thinking, and not just about the podcast launch. But life in general.
I scanned through everything in my life asking: Am I doing this for love or from love?
In the past, my honest answer most of the time would’ve been for love. But I’m not sure I would’ve been able to see it back then.
Because of an unconscious habit of choosing the prolonged pain of remaining silent, instead of the acute pain of speaking my truth.
For I had associated speaking my truth with disappointing people, as that had been my experience many times before.
And that had gotten me in a downward spiral I didn’t even know I was in.
Remember last week’s post on speaking one’s truth? My downward spiral was one of NOT doing that.
Until last year changed it for me.
I came to understand that, in my case, the acute pain of speaking my truth was the pain my mind dreaded.
But the prolonged pain of remaining silent is the pain my spirit dreads.
And while the mind doesn’t necessarily always serve the truth, and thus the higher good of all, the spirit always does.
Looking back, I was already deep in the process when I was about to launch my podcast.
Because, for love, I would’ve kept on pushing through, making sure I wasn’t disappointing anyone.
(Yet, at the same time, I would’ve disappointed myself by self-abandonment, disregarding my own needs. That conditioning is still sometimes loud in my head.)
But in that situation, I chose to act from love.
Giving myself the opportunity to get well and meet my own needs before meeting those of others. Even with the risk of causing disappointments.
This was one of the rare times (until then) I did that consciously in my life and it ended up being a huge and significant milestone on my own healing journey.
One that started a new chapter in the book of my life.
A chapter that is yet to unfold in its entirety.
What I can say already now is that the education this simple question has granted me is priceless. And although the path hasn’t been easy, it has proved to be worth it.
So, I’m now in turn asking you:
Are you doing what you’re doing for love or from love? In both life and leadership?
Feel free to reply your insights and discoveries.
With my all,
Paula
xx