Yesterday was Father’s Day in Finland. Which means, that it’s time to kick off the Christmas pastry season, people! We always start ours with Finnish Christmas tarts.
Sidenote: Tart as a name does not give credit to what they actually are – a Finnish specialty. You need to come and taste to know what I’m talking about! Just don’t mind the way they look! Some have gotten offended by their star like shape that, in their minds, suspiciously looks like something else.
Which brings me to a completely other topic. For a long time, masculinity and masculine energy has been thought to be the only way to be successful in life. From nations to enterprises to families have been led with masculine, patriarchal energy. Not only the feminine, but everything that even slightly deviated from the image of masculine, was dismissed as inferior and insignificant in leadership and success.
However, we live in 2021. It should be normal that other, more diverse ways to succeed and lead are included. I mean, look around you! Living from one extreme, dismissing the other, is not a balanced way of being. In anything!
The challenge, though, is to not swing from one extreme to another. In this case, from embracing masculinity as the all mighty into embracing femininity as the all mighty. It’s the balancing of these two.
When masculine energy is too dominant you feel:
– overworked and over-scheduled
– limited in your options and unable to see alternatives
– stressed and unvalued
When feminine energy is too dominant you feel
– overwhelmed with too many options
– unfocused and unable to take desired action
– inconsistent and unsupported
Compare the list below (by Gina Devee) and notice where in your life are you leaning more into femininity and where into masculinity. What can you do to balance it out?
| Femininity | Masculinity |
| Being | Doing |
| Feeling | Thinking |
| Spontaneous | Predictable |
| Intuitive | Logical |
| Playful | Results-oriented |
| Beautiful | Functional |
| Invisible | Concrete |
| Circular | Linear |
| Dynamic | Sturdy |
| Vulnerable | Protective |
| Nurturer | Provider |
| Community (we) | Individuality (I) |
| And | Or |
We all have both feminine and masculine sides. Regardless of the gender. And both sides need to be expressed in order to avoid the inner conflict and to reach the fuller potential of being.
Increasing number of men are seeking to incorporate the feminine leadership styles into their ways of being and taking action. Also, increasing number of women are seeking to get back in touch with their feminine side, after pushing and trying so hard to make it in masculine world with the masculine rules. At the same time, I’m coaching those more in touch with their feminine side, to incorporate masculinity in their lives.
As you see, it’s never a question of either or, it’s always both – balancing the imbalance.
Unlike often mistakenly described, femininity is not connected only to females and about fussing around, ha! It’s also not the same as feminism and therefore not seeking equality between women and men. Or about women stepping up.
Femininity is about bringing to the table the feminine qualities that actually balance out the old, hierarchical, top-down command and control ways of being and acting. The ones that have for so long thought to be the only right way of succeeding. The masculine ways.
Feminine balances the use of force with the use of wisdom. It’s about incorporating intuition into life of reasoning. Bringing the accepting and nourishing traits with you, even to business. Not denying our true, authentic and caring nature.
Feminine, for sure, isn’t about dismissing.
While masculine qualities offer us structures, guidelines and processes, to keep us in line with ourselves and with our goals, feminine offers us gentleness, empathy, caring and compassion to do so in humanly ways.
One of the downsides of masculine ways of going about things, is to be exclusive. To believe that something or someone is more valuable than others. This invariably leads to dismissive behavior, which always creates imbalance in some way.
Feminine seeks balance by willingness to communicate and collaborate, by being more inclusive – not only with people but also with ideas. But without the help of masculine systems and structures, that inclusivity may not result in real actions. Which, on its own, creates another kind of imbalance.
At best, feminine taps into the world of possibilities not yet physically visible to the eye, and masculine provides linear structures to turn those visions into reality. Feminine offers an inclusive and encouraging environment to go forward, while masculine makes sure that the needed systems and processes are in place. It’s a dance between opening up a space and providing direction. Of receiving and giving.
And what a beautiful dance it can be.
Both within a person and between people.
Much love,
Paula
xx